Hey, Richard Simmons! Yoplait Thinks You're Fucking Tripping Balls On PCP.

Craving some key lime pie in the desert isle?

Well don't. Otherwise, you could face an unwelcome appearance from Richard Simmons, fucking tripping balls on PCP.

Apparently, the sensation of drowning is a major side effect of long-term PCP use. But, as long as it discourages you from even mentioning desert treats out loud, Yoplait is willing to inflict the damage on Richard Simmons' physical and mental health.

That's right, Yoplait is so tired of you being fat, Yoplait is going to pump Richard Simmons full of Angel Dust, and release him in your local supermarket. Yoplait thinks this is your fault.

Are you crying again? You know what Yoplait thinks about that.

Hey, 125 lb. Ladies! Yoplait Thinks You Look Fat.

Hey, 125 lb. ladies!

How many times have you gone into the kitchenette at work, opened up the fridge, and next thing you know, you're confronted with the most immaculate, perfectly decorated, raspberry cheesecake?

Of course, you start reciting the math in your head, calculating the most recent international celery-to-cheesecake exchange ratio (one large slice equaling eight celery sticks, as of the filming of this commercial). You pause to briefly consider jogging in place, because you always maintain levity, even in a crisis. And hey, you've been good today. You deserve it. Having done your due diligence, this looks like it's going to happen. Cheesecake it is!

But, hold on just a second! Because here comes a sinewy neck, two sunken-cheekbones, some pulled back hair, and a couple earrings. This changes everything, and the previous five seconds of deliberation go right out the window. Hey, you have to compliment the woman with the Shawn Bradley-frame for the ability to avoid going into heat over an office cheesecake. Give her due, and follow her lead. Grab a Yoplait.

Anyways, it's all Yoplait's subtle way of saying, you look kinda fat. Yoplait thinks you should give one of its 30 flavors at around 100 calories a try.

Yoplait agrees we have all put on a few pounds, but are we just giving up?

Yoplait is tired of you wanting to change your look every two weeks, and running out to buy a pair of Sarah Palin glasses.

Yoplait thinks you complain about your Mom so much, but you're really alot more like her than you think.

Hey, wait, come back! I'm sorry, that came out the wrong way. Yoplait wants to apologize. Oh, now you're crying, just because of one commercial and one innocent comment...

Yoplait thinks you should stop crying, because you look so ugly when you cry.....